You're older than your doctor.
You're older than your dentist.
It takes you two tries to get up from the couch.
A telephone rings on the TV and you think it's yours.
90% of your dreams are reruns.
You no longer say no to the lobster bib.
The only "Stones" you're interested in these days are Kidney and Gall.
Your computer has more memory than you do.
You bring lawn chairs to outdoor concerts.
People warn you about shoveling snow.
You schedule sex.
You go from being a do-it-yourselfer to a hire-someone-elser.
You don't have bad hair days; you have bad hair years.
Finally, you can use words like "titillate," "shuttlecock" and "Uranus" without laughing.
Your children's friends become grandparents.