How do crazy people go through the forest? - They take the psycho path.

How do you get holy water? - Boil the hell out of it.

How does a spoiled rich girl change a light bulb? - She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? - "Dam".

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? - Polaroids.

What do prisoners use to call each other? - Cell phones.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? - A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? - Nacho Cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers? - Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? - Quatro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow? - Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? - Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? - A pachydermatologist

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? - A pool table.

What is a zebra? - 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? - Anyone can roast beef.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? - They all have phones.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? - Because they have big fingers.